Adult Chauvinism

“I’m an adult, leave me alone” is a sentiment heard once in a while.

“I dislike organized religion because I don’t have the freedom due to me as an adult” is also an oft-expressed refrain among those distant from religion or religiosity.

Occasionally adults are asked to show-up or shape-up. In other words, they are expected to be simply accountable by being punctual, tidy and organized, hygienic, keeper of word, softer in language use, kinder in demeanor, etc. The confronted adult responds by saying something like, “Stop mothering me”! Wow! That is not adult-speak, but adolescent-speak. The tell-tale sign of immaturity has inadvertently slipped past in the heat of expectation. Thus, the physical adult emotionally and psychologically inebriated by extended adolescence is easily riled up when reminded of his long HoneyDoList. This could be the side effect of a mix of affluence, at-ease parenting, confused family and societal norms, etc. When the adolescent is given the “Get out of Jail” card once too many times, this is what happens.

Are adults infallible and religions essentially faulty for their overreach? If neither is true, then we have a clear case of “Adult Chauvinism”.

Adults can make no mistake is patently a false statement, not that anyone is claiming it. However, the way some adults assert themselves and carry on, one could infer that that must be their presupposition.

Hence, the idea that adults should not be restricted, hemmed in, by anything institutional is also false.

Yes, adults are adults in that they are capable of and responsible for their decisions with the expectations that nobody is needed to watch their back or guide them along their way.

Adults have the right to be trusted and let go.

Yet the facts are that adults commit most of the crimes, are involved in most car accidents, perpetuate betrayals, habitually indulge in prevarication or lying, foul mouthing and gossip, and are responsible for all of the divorces, abandonment of family and botched parenting. Assessing and reporting thus do not make for a novel, sensational, tell-all copy.

Adults need all kinds of ID’s and permits for driving, traveling, banking, trading and manufacturing. They are required to pay taxes, obtain visa, observe speed limit, pay for traffic violation, go through background check and sometimes DNA and blood sampling, obtain marriage certificate, produce birth certificate, divulge social security number, etc.

So, adults are subject to the rules of a system. Their claim to “haloed” emancipation is not absolute.

Yet the system is not Orwellian. It cannot possibly prescribe every guideline or monitor every choice. Hence, adults get substantial latitude, especially for the space and time which is their very own. The formal societal system to be of any value to anyone protects adults from other adults in terms of economic loss and loss of life or injury to the body. That is the most it can do.

The family, as the primary, un-legislated system, is typically in gear from the very get go to supply the society with a responsible, productive adult. The family’s system  is an acquired system that is rooted in collective human experience and religion (the latter being a system unto itself that would argue the family as its sub-system). When this supplemental system is weak, we get adults who may be great in public space but are woefully inadequate in private space. In aggravated cases, both spaces are squarely compromised. Some adults land in intractable trouble, their whole life is poised easily, rapidly to descend into a veritable pandemonium.

The tptChoice Way argues that people facing uphill tasks of instituting self-discipline, managing willfulness akin to foolhardiness, and dependencies of various forms should be careful not to take the position of an unapologetic adult chauvinist. It’s a useless, unsupportable, hollow position that robs one of the ability to appreciate difference, listening capacity and analytical sensibility thereby blocking effort at restoration of sanity and dynamic recovery.

The very selfishness, minus the shallowness, that chases adult chauvinism should be turned around and employed to gain a prettier, more wholesome life.

TPTChoice Team


Park Your Problems Here


“O God, surely I take sanctuary with You

  • From worries over outcome of past actions and anxieties over outcome of future actions, and
  • From inability to do the right things and unwillingness to do them when able to, and
  • From existential cowardice and vapid miserliness, and
  • From being bent out of shape by debt and imposed upon by ruthless powerful men.”
TPTChoice Team

A Faithful’s Stations

Everything can be made better. We can all shoot for zero fault in something or other. Faith is not an exception to that rule.

In structured religions, for any “believer” in God, there are four stations, status, steps to or levels of perfection. i. Beginning, Elementary or Nominal: Involves simply acknowledging and following the primary tenets or biddings of the faith. Even though it occupies the lowest level, nevertheless it is critical for it is the doorway through which everyone must first pass. The transition from incredulous to faithfulness and requisite commensurate behavior starts here. ii. Believer: Actually seeing the merits of the biddings, and more importantly consciously, intellectually and emotionally relating to, owning and being vested in the Divine Existence and Unseen Axioms of the Faith. iii. Righteous: Assiduously doing what is generally acknowledged to be religiously – morally and ethically right and avoiding what is viewed as wrong. iv. Organic or Spontaneous: Being or doing good without prompting, fearing punishment or desiring reward while still attentive to the structures of the faith.

About stations I and II, the following analogy can be drawn. Suppose, somebody enters a country on an immigration visa and eventually becomes a naturalized citizen. He promises to do or follow a set of rules. He may not completely understand or accept all or some of the rules even though he signs up for it. This is the Nominal Station or Status Level I.  However, after a while he sees the merits and the benefits of following the prescribed rulebook. Now, he begins to value and protect them, and prescribe the same rules to others.  The person has now elevated himself to the Station of a Believer or risen to Status Level II.

Now, the Station of Righteousness [more in the next write-up] is superseded by only one other station: that of Spontaneous Goodness. Very few people are cultured or socialized, ethically sensitized and skilled, to be spontaneously good on all matters or at all levels of challenge. Such a second nature comes with practice. In other words, a conscious pursuit of righteousness eventually morphs into error-free spontaneous goodness. In this state of being, a person knows and loves God and relates to Him, doing things that He would approve and avoiding things He would disapprove organically, naturally, and not out of fear of His Ultimate Judgeship. The latter aspect translates to a desire to avoid Hellfire and to find a space in Heaven, which is tantamount to Righteousness. So, reward and punishment are not the main motivators of living an untainted, good and decent life. The main motivators are to do what is inherently good and avoid what is inherently bad and to love and respect God for His sake alone. No wonder the status of spontaneous goodness is the highest level a person can attain in life. It is very difficult to achieve and usually is a culmination of lifetime of desire and effort. While it is a factor, but just being a decent human being does not make one belong to this station. As a starter, without accepting religious spiritualism, not merely adhering to conjectured philosophy, this spot will continue to post “No Vacancy”. One has to first know Who God is, understand Him as best as possible, accept and respect Him for Who He is, acknowledge His vision for man, and follow the course laid down by Him [all stuff of Station I] way before graduation into this level becomes possible. This type of goodness is facilitated by cultivating a sense that notices God’s presence at every turn or, failing that, being conscious at every turn that God is watching. It is like a desire to please one’s watchful parents, teacher, friend, or boss.

TPTChoice Team


How Things Change

They say:

In the Age of Virtue, Vulgarity hides itself
In the Age of Vulgarity, Virtue hides itself

[reported/translated by a sage in Oakdale, CA]

Which age do you suppose we are in?

You would be correct if you think we are caught in the Age of Vulgarity, in crass Viledom.

So, what would one who is gentle, patient, measured, fair, perceptive, noble, careful, balanced, self-controlled to do?

Such a person is made fun of, described variously as being strange, weirdo, sicko, stuck up, mother’s boy, hormone short, pussy, and so much worse.

Should such a person fold and join the ranks of the fallen, the compromised?  Really!  So, “when you can’t beat them, join them” rings awfully true.  Yes, get absorbed into the mess!  Is that better than being hounded for one’s standoffishness?

Should such a person surrender, give up one’s illuminating virtues?

Oftentimes it is a lonely fight, yes; to do the right thing, to be true to oneself.

Which alignment have you chosen?  Are you fighting or have you caved?  What should you do now that you know better?

There is always time to regroup.  It is never too late.  Never.

Reclaim what is yours, that which is your birthright: to choose what is best for you, that which is meaningful and lasting.

TPTChoice Team